


Goodbye Christmas

by sexiudreams (Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson)



Series: Goodbye Christmas [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Cheating, Choices, Christmas, Confusion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Imaginations of Suicide, Implied Hospitalization, Implied Sexual Content, Love Triangles, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Previous Hospitalization, Reassuring Kim Minseok | Xiumin, Relationship Problems, Running Away, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-04 09:42:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13361898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson/pseuds/sexiudreams
Summary: When Junymeon thought he'd fly out to China for a few days to surprise Yixing at Christmas, he didn't expect to walk in on what he did. He didn't expect to walk into their shared apartment on Christmas Day and have his heart broken, but life is like that right? The only question he's focusing on is, can they get through it?





	1. Chapter 1

It was silent in the small apartment, on the outskirts of Changsha, bordering living in another part of Hunan. Down time for both of them was rare, and when time off more than a week appeared on their schedules, they said their farewells, packed their bags – Minseok was put in charge, thankfully – and they took the next flight to their shared apartment. It was quiet outside the apartment building, no major roads near by; Lu Han and Zitao had said they were almost in the country side, and they were jealous. Junmyeon mused that maybe they were in the country side, as he watched a small, brown rabbit hop across the grass in front of their building, sniffing at something before it got spooked, darting off beyond eye sight. The coffee on his lips was hot, making his skin tingle, but Junmyeon kept sipping, and kept staring out of the window. In the distance, he could see a city, that he still hadn’t learned the name for, his time here usually preoccupied with the bed, and the scent of lubricant. In the early morning, the pink sunrise reflecting off windows in the distance made Junmyeon ponder things, an air plane in the distance reminding him of his time slowly running out before he would have to go back to Seoul. It made an ugly feeling rise in his stomach as he remembered they still needed to talk before Junmyeon left, but Yixing had been avoiding it. They’d been avoiding it for a long time, he mused as he turned his head to see the bed sheets he still hadn’t cleaned off the couch where he had slept on it the entire time he had been here.  
  
Slowly, Junmyeon’s hand reached out and put his coffee on the window sill before he made his way to the couch, gently folding the sheets and piling them neatly in the corner. He refused to turn his gaze over the couch, to the Christmas tree still knocked over, baubles pooling around it, rolling to the corners of their slightly tilted floor as they occasional thumped from the branches. Even without looking at it, Junmyeon still felt the pain in his heart as the memory returned to him.

* * *

  
Getting on a plane straight after performing, suitcases bursting with gifts, and a smile on his face as Minseok and Jongdae hugged him goodbye. It wouldn’t be much longer before he had to be back in Korea for the Golden Disc Awards, but he didn’t care. Seeing Yixing on Christmas was a tradition, not seeing him would be nothing but bad luck, surely. Junmyeon’s anxiety only got worse as his plane was delayed, taxing to and from the take off lane, and the clock on his phone showed it was gone eleven pm in Korea, which meant it was Christmas Day, just gone midnight in China. He wasn’t with Yixing on Christmas, even if it was only going to be a few hours, and it made a sickening feeling settle on his stomach, covering the top with a thin layer that seemed like it would stop anything else entering his stomach. He ordered an orange juice from one of the air hostesses, hands shaking a little as he handed the money over, but the juice seemed to sit on top of the film, splashing around on top of his stomach, making it lurch. Numerous times, Junmyeon thought he would have to run to the bathroom, but then, they were taxiing to take off, and Junmyeon gripped the arm rests of his chair.  
The happiness and feeling of weightlessness in his heart appeared when the plane levelled out, and Junmyeon watched out over the land as they flew, excitement starting to grow. He had gone all out this year, despite Yixing telling him not to. He had their couple rings on a string around his neck, hidden by the scarf and turtle neck he would be wearing as he opened the door to their apartment, put there for Yixing to find when they rushed to bed, excited of their fifth Christmas together. The whole taxi ride from the airport, Junmyeon had gripped both rings in his hand, leg jogging up and down as he watched the city fade away into the faux-countryside, more and more trees appearing as they got to their neighbourhood.  
Looking up when he had gotten out of the taxi, bags piled around him, Junmyeon could see their curtains drawn, but the light on, which meant Yixing was awake; probably working despite having already released two solo albums this year. Excitement coursed through his body as he realised, Yixing didn’t know he would be opening their door and surprising him from where he was working on the couch in just minutes, and Junmyeon grabbed his suitcase and bags, unlocking the apartment building quickly. He had taken the stairs to the first floor almost two at a time, if the weight he carried would have let him, but stood outside 107 quicker than he assumed he would. His key quietly turned in the lock, a mechanism Yixing had put in with a laugh of _so we can surprise each other_ , but opening the door, it was Junmyeon who had received the surprise of his life.  
Yixing on the couch, no clothes, Yifan on top of him, both of them moaning, connected together, wrapping from Christmas presents littering the coffee table. Junmyeon hadn’t known how long he had stood there with tears dripping down his cheeks before he had finally gotten out a _what the_ _ **fuck**_. It seemed to be in slow motion that Yifan and Yixing jumped apart, grabbing a blanket, Yifan smirking at Junmyeon, whilst Yixing seemed to drown in shame. There had been a few _Junmyeon I-_ before Junmyeon had shut the door, leaning on the wall next to it and staring at their neighbours door as he sunk to the floor, knees too weak to hold him up. He forgot how to breathe for a moment.  
  
Yixing had come out later, as Yifan had left, and sat next to him, reaching out to take Junmyeon’s hand and coaxed him inside their apartment because the hallway was cold. There was no evidence Yifan had been there, everything was as it usually was. There was no scent of lubricant, a Christmas candle burning on the coffee table, in the middle of two cups of hot cocoa, steaming away. Junmyeon slowly sat on the very edge of the couch and took the one in his own mug, and sipped at it, not caring that it scalded. He needed another excuse for the tears pouring down his cheeks, because what he saw wasn’t just happening. Yixing had been asleep on the couch and Junmyeon had been exhausted from working for so long, and then immediately getting on a plane, of course, that was the answer. But then Yixing started talking, saying he was sorry, and things had just happened, and Junmyeon had flown to his feet.

* * *

Junmyeon’s eyes stared at the stain on the cream wall, the dark brown chocolate that had appeared when he had thrown his hot chocolate there, screaming and pushing at Yixing. The Christmas tree had been knocked over by Yixing, screaming about Junmyeon hardly even contacting him recently, making him feel lonely. The unopened presents still sat there, a few dented from their feet as they had raged at each other, and the couple rings still sat, cold and dead around Junmyeon’s neck. He walked across the living room to get his coffee cup and slowly sat down in one of the armchairs that pointed at the television, and he wondered if it was worth turning it on, when he knew he would just phase out of whatever he was watching. The toilet flushed and Junmyeon turned his head to see Yixing walk out of their bedroom, and into the kitchen behind his back. Junmyeon swallowed and put the coffee down, and stood. He walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Yixing.  
  
Yixing froze and turned his head. Junmyeon closed his eyes. “Shut up. It’s my last day. We can talk about it tomorrow. Please.”  
  
Yixing made no comment but turned around to wrap his arms around Junmyeon, resting against the counter as the kettle began to heat. Yixing rocked them gently, his hand rubbing up and down Junmyeon’s back, lips pressing soft kisses to his forehead. If Junmyeon closed his eyes, focused on Yixing’s smell, he could convince himself this was their life. Their quiet little life in the Chinese countryside, full of laughing and cuddles, coffee tinged kisses and stained sheets. This was what they were, this was them.  
  
But then he opened his eyes and saw the bruise on Yixing’s collar bone from where he had tried to grab Junmyeon as he kicked out at the wall, the skin blossoming purple when Junmyeon’s fist collided with it rather than the wall, and the reality came crashing back to him. Junmyeon made a noise and stepped back. “We never opened presents.”  
  
“No, we didn’t, I got busy with work.”  
  
Junmyeon had to give Yixing’s acting skills credit. Faking the whole thing just for Junmyeon’s sake when Yixing was the one who wanted to talk about it, to smooth things over. Junmyeon was the one hiding from this, not Yixing. Maybe he just didn’t want to deal with it. Maybe he did care more than Junmyeon suspected, after Christmas, maybe he genuinely did care and it was a genuine mistake- stop it. Stop thinking. Junmyeon walked into the living room, and Yixing followed, putting his morning coffee on the coffee table before moving to stand the Christmas tree back up in the corner of the room. He arranged the presents as Junmyeon took his bedding to the bedroom, setting it up on the corner of the bed, neat, ready to get later. Yixing’s phone buzzed on the bedside table, and Junmyeon spared a moment to look at it. Twelve missed calls from Yifan, a large number of messages. Junmyeon shoved it in the drawer.  
  
Returning, to the living room, he found Yixing setting up their usual breakfast on Christmas. Sweet breakfast treats, a cup of hot chocolate each and their usual coffee and tea, each arranged perfectly. The Christmas candle was back on the coffee table burning, the scent of cinnamon and berries making Junmyeon wince at the memories that came with it. Yixing blew it out and hurriedly found a different one. The scent of pine trees filled the room, and Junmyeon nodded a little bit. Yixing got a couple of pairs of bed socks, chucking Junmyeon his usual pair, and they exchanged their socks for them, and Yixing pulled on a Christmas shirt – which would be shed and replaced with the Christmas shirt Junmyeon got him every year.  
  
They weren’t as talkative as they usually were during their Christmas, past thank you, the peck of a lips, or a squeal from one of them as they opened a great present, they didn’t chit chat between. Junmyeon turned the television on and found a music channel still playing Christmas music to put on in the background.  
  
Junmyeon beamed with pride when he saw Yixing’s mouth fall into a perfect o shape as he opened the box a bracelet sat in. It was a gold chain, a few diamonds pressed into the links, but Junmyeon had seen Yixing constantly look at it, then tell himself buying it was a bad idea because he had enough jewellery. He deserved a treat like that. Yixing looked triumphant as he tried to outdo Junmyeon’s best Christmas present giver title for five years, with a choker necklace, a tiny sheep charm that would sit in the dip of his throat, laced with small opal over where the white wool would be. It wasn’t anything particularly special to anyone who didn’t know them, but opal was Yixing’s birth stone, something Junmyeon could wear whenever he missed Yixing; a promise for Yixing to always be there when Junmyeon needed him.  
  
Hurriedly, he put it on, rolling his turtle neck down before Yixing reached out. “Hold on, take this off first-” Junmyeon blinked as Yixing held the rope with the rings on it, staring at them in his hand. Junmyeon had had them personalised, their initials wrapped together in an infinity loop of silver, their birthstone on either side of the ring, opposite ends, separating the two infinity rings that held them together. Yixing didn’t look him in the eyes. Junmyeon didn’t say anything.  
  
Carefully, Junmyeon put the choker necklace on, and took the rope, sliding both rings off. He slid the one for Yixing onto his finger, and Yixing took the other, held out to him in Junmyeon’s palm, and slid it onto Junmyeon’s own finger. They said nothing, but kissed softly, sweetly, and clung to each other, tears sliding down both their cheeks.

* * *

Junmyeon’s bags sat packed by the door, ready for him to leave back to Korea in the afternoon. He’d been texting back and forth with Minseok, finding out who was picking him up, when Yixing had sat down, twisting the couple ring around on his finger.  
  
“Junnie-”  
  
“If you’re going to give me some excuse of I was lonely, don’t bother. Just tell me the truth.” Junmyeon stared at him, eyes tired, and put his phone in his pocket. He curled up on the arm chair, tucking his legs underneath him, and hugged himself, waiting. Yixing didn’t even hesitate.  
  
“I was lonely, when Kris asked to come over. He wanted to do some collaboration on lyrics, and get some help with something for a new single. I said sure come on over. We worked pretty late, well into the night, and around one in the morning, I asked him if he wanted to stay on the couch; his neighbourhood is pretty rough, I didn’t feel comfortable thinking about him heading back during the early hours. He said sure, and we were sat watching some movie, I don’t even remember what it was. He asked about you, I said I hadn’t heard from you for a while. You were busy, it happened, you’d contact me when you weren’t busy or catching up on sleep, our usual routine. Kris nodded, said nothing more. After a while, he asked me if I was lonely. I shrugged, said a little bit, but it happens. Next thing I know he kissed me. I should have stopped it but I… just got caught up in things. It happened quickly and I… I wasn’t sure how to stop it, or even really think about stopping it. Then you walked in and…” Yixing looked away.  
  
Junmyeon hesitated. “Look me in the eyes.” Yixing looked up without a moment passing, and Junmyeon swallowed. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that’s the truth.”  
  
Yixing stared him dead in the eyes. “That’s what happened, and that’s the truth, Junnie. I haven’t been seeing Kris behind your back, I haven’t been having some elicit secret affair, it was a one time thing that just happened, and it won’t be happening again.”  
  
Tears welled up in Junmyeon’s eyes, and he broke the eye contact. “I want to trust you. I do. But… I don’t know if I can, Yix.”  
  
There was silence, and Yixing stood up to kneel down in front of Junmyeon. “I promise, Junnie.” His hand reached up and gently cupped Junmyeon’s chin, making him look at him. “It was one time, and I swear, I won’t let it happen again. If he tries anything again, I will stop it, and I will tell you it happened. I swear.”  
  
Junmyeon slowly nodded, and smiled weakly as Yixing’s fingers moved to wipe at the tears falling down his cheeks. “Alright… I trust you.”  
  
Yixing leaned in and kissed him softly, but passionately, the way all their kisses went. He towered over Junmyoen, curled up in an armchair, but Junmyeon’s arms reached up to wrap around his neck, holding him in place, staying there even when they broke apart. Yixing didn’t move, other than to wrap his arms around Junmyeon as best he could.  
  
“Alright.” Junmyeon said it again, nodding, more confident in his words this time. “I trust you.”  
  
They kissed again, and then Junmyeon’s phone vibrated, indicating his taxi was here early. He ignored it for a moment, carefully standing up in Yixing’s arms to kiss him again. They stood close, gripping to each other, savouring each other for a moment. Yixing pulled back, sighing softly. “You have to go before you miss your flight.”  
  
“I’ll come back as soon as I get a chance to. We can spend it together properly.”  
  
Yixing nodded and pressed one last kiss to his lips before standing back. Junmyeon pulled his jacket on as Yixing picked up his suitcase and Junmyeon smiled, taking his bag and pulling it over his shoulder. Yixing found his hand as they walked downstairs, Yixing shivering because he forgot to put a shirt on. Junmyeon chuckled as Yixing loaded his suitcase into the trunk of the taxi, then took hold of Junmyeon’s waist again, kissing him softly. “Let me know you land safely.”  
  
“I will, don’t worry.” They smiled against each other’s lips and Junmyeon stepped back, getting into the taxi. “I’ll see you soon. I’ll video call you tonight if I get a chance.”  
  
“I look forward to it.” Yixing smiled and shut the door, blowing a kiss through the window and Junmyeon turned, directing the driver to the airport, before he turned, waving at Yixing. He stood in the doorway to their apartment building, waving with a wide smile until they turned the corner. Junmyeon slumped in his seat and put his seatbelt on, a sad smile on his face.  
  
They’d get through this. They got through everything.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been weeks since Junmyeon got back to Korea, and he was finally enjoying some down time. He was curled up on the couch in some pyjamas, listening to Baekhyun and Jongdae bicker over some game they were playing, accusations of cheating being shot around in Chinese or Japanese, only for the other to understand and descend on the accuser with some rapid fire move that caused victory. Junmyeon winced a little whenever he heard the word, and had to keep taking deep breaths, inhaling the soft scent of his tea as the steam curled up to him from his chest, where it was tucked against his shirt. Minseok had put a blanket over his legs a while ago before he had settled down on the opposite end of the couch, buried in his study books. The constant tapping of his pen on his notebook was annoying, and Junmyeon debated burying his toe into Minseok’s leg to get him to stop, when his attention was grabbed by a notification.   
  
It popped up, quickly, a notification on Yixing’s name, detailing a new article posted about him. People would say it was weird, some possessive, but Junmyeon just enjoyed hearing the news of his boyfriend’s accomplishments; only when he was out of the country, when he couldn’t tell Junmyeon himself. It wasn’t anything past that, and Junmyeon gratefully opened the news app. For a moment, he was lost to the world, forgetting all about the annoying tapping and bickering occuring in the room he was in. He read the article carefully, reading each line a few times to ensure he was reading it all correctly, smile wide as he read about how _Sheep_ had done across the Chinese charts. He reached over, putting his tea down on the coffee table before his hand reached up to hold the soft sheep charm around his neck. It was warm from the steam from his tea, and he fiddled with it, wiping the condensation from the previously cold opal from it. He was about to get up and go take a nap, about to shut his phone, when a new notification popped up, followed by another one. Before Junmyeon could click it, another appeared, and another, and before he knew it, his phone was a mess of notifications, the onslaught refusing to cease.   
  
Junmyeon stared in shock before he opened his notification bar, clicking the first one that came on as they onslaught continued. He quickly turned his phone to air plane mode once the article loaded, but didn’t need it. He didn’t need to read any of it.   
  
_EXO’s Zhang Yixing caught making out with previous EXO member, Wu Yifan_.  
  
The photos pressed behind the headline broke Junmyeon’s heart again. He forgot how to breathe. He would have dropped his tea if he had been holding onto it. His hands shook, and he forced himself to read down, forced himself to scroll past the photos of them kissing, Yixing’s hands oh so delicately around Yifan’s waist-  
  
_Photos have surfaced of Zhang Yixing, EXO, kissing, and seemingly more, with previous EXO member Wu Yifan. Pictured, found on the corner of a shop, Yifan almost pressed against a wall, Yixing with his arms around Yifan, fans have been asking the question, are they dating? Seen leaving together, hand in hand, smiling at each other, and the appearance of a couple ring on Yixing’s finger – a Korean custom for couples in a relationship after 100 days – after Christmas, when Yifan was seen heading into Yixing’s apartment, we ourselves ask the question, will they be coming out officially soon enough?  
  
_ Junmyeon stared at the words until they blurred, because he hadn’t blinked. That’s why his eyes were watering, he hadn’t blinked in a while. That’s all the water in his eyes were from, how quickly eyes dehydrate. He was vaguely aware of his phone locking itself, the screen going black, but Junmyeon couldn’t seem to move. He should get up, call Yixing, find out what was going on; after all, there was a chance that the photos had been faked and sold by a fan for a quick amount of money, but somehow, deep in his heart, he knew it was true. The chance of someone editing photos of Yixing and Yifan kissing, after just weeks ago Junmyeon had found them in bed together, conjoined, moaning in unison, there was no way.  
  
Vaguely, he was aware of Minseok looking up at him, frowning, and even the bickering from Jongdae and Baekhyun went silent. He wondered if they’d seen the news, if someone had said something on Instagram, or if the group Twitter had blown up. He wondered if someone else had come into the room and said something. Junmyeon didn’t care. He kept blinking. If he kept blinking, his eyes would stop watering, wouldn’t they? That’s what happened all the time, so why were they still watering this time.   
  
Minseok slowly stood and took Junmyeon’s phone from him, sitting closer to him. “Junmyeon-ah?”  
  
The sobs broke from his throat. He didn’t know why, or how, but whatever trance he had been in was broken. Arms were around him in an instant, and Junmyeon clung to Minseok, hands curling into fists in the shirt he wore. Each sob hurt more in his chest, in his throat, over his lips, tingling and feeling wrong. This shouldn’t be happening, he shouldn’t be sat here crying his eyes out right now. He should be enjoying his down time, stopping Jongdae and Baekhyun from killing each other over some game, or checking Jongin remembered to disconnect from his phone and ate. But he was here sobbing into Minseok’s neck, and trying to choke down oxygen in between his sobs because his lungs were burning.   
  
Minseok leaned back long enough to ask someone to get a glass of water, and then Junmyeon was being stood, being taken somewhere and he found himself being sat in the kitchen, away from the eyes of everyone staring on worriedly, and a drink being pressed into his hand. He gulped from it, as though he hadn’t drunken anything in months, and took large gasping breaths before he brushed his hair out his face, his palm not moving from pressing it to his scalp. Minseok’s hand rubbed up and down his back, shushing him gently, like he had for his hyung so many times after Lu Han had left. This wasn’t right. As leader, he should be the one looking after his group, not the other way around. But he couldn’t stop himself from breaking again, collapsing against the counter and sobbing into the cold marble, his hands turning to fists and slamming against it, his sobs turning into screams.   
  
Eventually, his throat gave out, and it was too much to even cry with noise, and slowly, slowly, Junmyeon felt the sobs in his throat slowly disappear. He felt numb, empty, and he sat up enough to gulp more water down, taking breaths.   
  
“Junmyeon-ah...”  
  
He turned his face to Minseok, and he must have looked a sight. “This isn’t the first time.”  
  
Minseok didn’t look surprised, and if he did, he hid it well. He stood up to refill the glass for Junmyeon, and then slowly sat back down. “I’m sorry, Junmyeon-ah-”  
  
“Break up with the dick.” Baekhyun appeared, face in the fridge, and if looks could kill, Minseok’s would have caused him to drop dead. He popped his head over the fridge door. “Seriously, if he can’t see what a great guy you are, he isn’t worth his time.”  
  
“ _Baekhyun_.” It was a sharp hiss from Minseok, and Baekhyun grabbed something from the fridge, disappearing quickly back into their living area. Minseok’s hand returned to Junmyeon’s spine, and he took a long drink of water. He swallowed.  
  
“Maybe Baekhyun’s right-”  
  
“-Forget what Baekhyun said. Whatever you do, it’s your decision. As much as I agree with Baekhyun, it has to be your decision, and what you want to do. Us telling you what to do won’t do _you_ any good.”  
  
Junmyeon nodded, staring into the water, shaking in his grip. The ripples were pretty, echoing around the glass and bouncing back against one another. There was something poetic about them, making Junmyeon’s worries disappear, before another voice broke the silence.  
  
“Break up with him.”  
  
“ _JONGDAE.”  
  
_ The vocalist disappeared with hurried footsteps and Minseok rubbed Junmyeon’s back again. “How about we get out of here, get you some air, help you clear your head?”  
  
Junmyeon found himself nodding, despite not really wanting to stand up, to get up off his chair, or do. Anything. He didn’t even really want to breathe, but it was an involuntary reaction his body did naturally, unfortunately. He didn’t even realise they were outside and walking until a frisbee hit him in the leg.  
  
Minseok chucked it back and looked up at Junmyeon, frown on his face. “Have you heard anything I’ve said?” Junmyeon looked up with wide eyes and looked around, slowly shaking his head. “Where are we?”  
  
“Just some park. I come here when I need to think. Come on.” Minseok kept walking, hat keeping his face hidden, and Junmyeon realised how much of a struggle security must have keeping up and keeping an eye on Minseok. He struggled to follow, until they came to a small bridge, tucked away, a tiny, serene river running through beneath them. It was wooden, the sides metal, painted red. It was peeling, flecks of silver seen underneath the paint. Junmyeon picked at it absent mindedly as he stared off into the distance.  
  
The river ran quickly, a waterfall a little way away pushing it through, and Junmyeon sniffed. He chanced a glance at Minseok. He was at the end of the bridge, talking worriedly into his phone. Junmyeon stood up straight, and clambered over the railing, standing on the small bit of wood jutting out from it. He took one breath, and let go, letting himself fall backwards into the cold water, letting it jolt him through the river, hitting him against the rocks on the bed. Hopefully, one would break his ribs, pierce his lungs, and he’d die even if they’d pull them from the river. He couldn’t breathe, lungs burning against the cold water-  
  
“Junmyeon-ah?”  
  
Junmyeon snapped away from the railing, breathing heavily. He stared at Minseok, and then himself, stood solidly on the wooden planks of the bridge. He forced himself to breathe, forced himself to take in air and to breathe as much as possible. He stumbled against the railing behind him, and probably would have gone tumbling over the edge if Minseok hadn’t shot forward and grabbed him.  
  
“Junmyeon!”  
  
Junmyeon slowly stood up straight, hands clinging to Minseok’s shoulders. “I need to get off this bridge. Now.”  
  
The panic in his voice must have scared Minseok, because he tugged the leader free from the wooden planks, feet back on solid ground. He slowly sunk to his knees, and took long sharp breaths, Minseok kneeling down and rubbing his shoulder. “Junmyeon-ah, what happened?”  
  
Junmyeon said nothing for a moment, clinging to the smaller man. “I imagined throwing myself into the river, I… It was so real, I can’t breathe, fucking-”  
  
Minseok cut him off, pulling him in to a tight hug, and squeezing him. “It’s alright, it’s alright. You didn’t, you’re right here with me, you’re on the ground. It’s okay.” Junmyeon broke down again, sobbing into his shoulder and Minseok rocked them gently, before pausing.  
  
Junmyeon listened to Minseok’s angry shouts of _get out of here_ at someone, and figured there was a fan or two, taking photos. Before he even knew what he was doing, he was on his feet, sprinting in the opposite direction, back over the bridge, and into the woods further on. Minseok yelled after him, but he knew that his hyung wouldn’t catch up with him. Despite his football training, keeping him in shape, and helping him run fast, Junmyeon had at least three strides to every one of Minseok’s running strides, and he bolted, making his direction as random as possible so he couldn’t be found.

 

 

It was dark by the time someone shone a light on Junmyeon’s face, a worried shout of _found him!_ echoing around the small grove of trees Junmyeon had finally collapsed in, exhausted. He brought a hand up to cover his eyes from the light and groaned, slowly sitting up. Junmyeon turned his hands into fists and rubbed his eyes, hard, until he saw stars. The coldness of the night hit him in the thin jacket he was wearing and he started shivering, teeth chattering as though a switch had been flicked on.  
  
Somewhere he could hear Minseok’s angry voice; _no! I don’t care what the fuck you have to say. Don’t fucking ring me- Yeah we know you can’t get ahold of Junmyeon, Yixing, we can’t fucking find him, he fucking ran because of this. No! I don’t know if he’s fucking alright Yixing we- what? Oh thank god- fuck off Yixing._  
  
A blanket wrapped around him and Junmyeon looked up to find Lee Seunghwan frowning down at him. Arms wrapped around him, and Junmyeon leant into them, letting Seunghwan rock him slowly. “Someone call the car, we need to get him to the hospital, he’s absolutely freezing.”  
  
Minseok dropped to his side and gripped Junmyeon’s hand. “YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” But then his hyung’s arms were around him, tight, rubbing his back. Minseok pulled back, ripped his coat off and wrapped it around Junmyeon before sitting with him, Seunghwan running off to find where the car was.  
  
“What’s happening?”  
  
“You ran off Junmyeon, there were fans recording you crying and you just… bolted. It’s three in the morning… it’s taken us eight hours to find you- god you’re freezing… god what the fuck Junmyeon-ah.” Minseok wrapped his arms tightly around Minseok, before there was a shout to bring Junmyeon over. Others hovered, but Minseok waved them off, and Junmyeon slowly got to his feet. They walked in silence, and Junmyeon vaguely heard the sound of the bridge near by, the river to the left of him and he stopped in his steps. “Wait.”  
  
Minseok paused and Junmyeon turned his head, lurching in the direction of the river. Minseok followed after him, waving someone off as they tried to follow, and Junmyeon didn’t stop until he was at the bridge, leaning heavily on the rails. With shaking, numb hands he reached up, trying to undo the choker necklace Yixing had giving him, but his nails couldn’t find purchase on the clasp. Minseok motioned for Junmyeon to crouch a little and unclipped it, handing it to him. Junmyeon stared at the sheep gleaming in the moonlight before he bent his arm, hurling it into the water. His couple ring followed swiftly, and Minseok wrapped an arm around him, making sure he didn’t fall after them.   
  
They stood in silence before Junmyeon cleared his throat. “Alright. Get me to the hospital.”  
  
Minseok didn’t reply, just helped Junmyeon walk towards the car, a long line of people waiting for him, frowning. There was a few murmurs from his group, saying they were glad he was alright, but he didn’t care. Not right now.  
  
The car door was opened, and Minseok got in first. Junmyeon followed and leant against his hyung, making a small noise as someone got in behind him, wrapping a blanket tightly around him, and then they started driving.  
  
Junmyeon didn’t care. Instead, he smiled, thinking about the river washing the necklace and ring away, thinking about how it was over now, how he could be free from this.  
  
And with the same smile on his face, he let himself drift off to sleep against Minseok, his hyung’s arms tightly around him, keeping him warm, and keeping him safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't meant to make this an ongoing thing but Knit Knat got me thinking more about it and here we are. She might make me do more for it, who knows


	3. Chapter 3

Junmyeon grunted a little, bent in half, being pounded into and he shut his eyes tightly. He didn’t know why he was here, on his back in his bed, legs spread, Yixing leaning over him, kissing at him, his lips, his neck, his chest. Lips wrapped around his nipple and Junmyeon let out a high pitched noise, fingers finding the soft black mop of Yixing’s hair, clutching tightly. He didn’t know how many times they had done this since Yixing had gotten back to Korea. He had come straight to Junmyeon’s room, finding the leader reading and curled up quietly. They had stared at each other, and then Yixing was on top of him, kissing him, kissing his tears away and then their clothes were gone, both of them tumbling between the sheets.  
  
That had been hours ago, and Junmyeon was reaching exhaustion. He groaned once more, felt Yixing’s hand wrap around him and he arched up one last time, barely with enough energy to groan his boyfriend’s name as he came, messing his chest up even more. He collapsed on the sheets, taking shaky breaths as Yixing kept thrusting, groaning Junmyeon’s name into his ear, soft whispers of _I love you_ , and _fuck, I missed this_ , and Junmyeon turned his head away. How many times had he done this with Yifan? How many times had Yixing clambered on top of Yifan, pushed inside of him – how many times had Yifan pushed inside of Yixing whilst Junmyeon lay in hospital, fighting off a bout of pneumonia, too weak to reach out to Minseok’s hand when he came to visit? He felt sick again. Yixing groaned one last time and Junmyeon felt him shudder, and almost collapse.  
  
Neither of them said anything and Yixing slowly pulled out, discarding the condom in the nearby waste basket, before he collapsed on his back, sighing contently. Junmyeon stared at the ceiling. He could almost laugh at himself. For weeks, two months, he had told himself he was done with this, he wasn’t going to let Yixing worm his way back in, not after everything, not after all he had done, but now here he was, the cold metal of Yixing’s couple ring now sat on his own hand, burning into his chest where his hand lay. He should shower. He should get away from this situation.  
  
But then Yixing’s arms were wrapping around Junmyeon and tugging him close, giggling. “You always did make a mess.” Junmyeon laughed weakly, tilting his head and turning onto his side so Yixing couldn’t see that it was fake. A wet wipe cleaned off Junmyeon’s chest and Junmyeon still couldn’t find the usual smile that appeared. Yixing cleaning him off gently, pressing soft kisses to his neck, making sure he was alright, and _I wasn’t too rough was I?_ This time was different. There were no soft kisses, no worried whispers that he’d hurt Junmyeon, this time felt like just a casual fuck, like Yixing was using him for stress relief.  
  
Junmyeon didn’t know which hurt more. The fact that Yixing had been cheating on him for who knew how long, or that Yixing was just using him for some kind of fuck. The tears bubbled in his chest and he forced himself to sit up, before those strong arms tightened around him and that soft voice lulled him back in. He needed out of the situation. “Junnie-”  
“-I’m going to shower.” Junmyeon said nothing else as he pulled a pair of boxers on, grabbed his toiletries bag and disappeared into the bathroom. He was aware of some of the guys staring at him, watching him, sex messy hair and still stained chest, as he padded down the hallway. He didn’t care. He couldn’t bring himself to care any more. Let them see him in the pathetic mess he had become.  
  
Junmyeon turned the water on hot and made sure to double lock the door, sliding the old dead bolt across the door so no one could just pick the lock and walk in, before he collapsed under the jet of water from the shower. He curled up, hugging his knees to his chest, and stared at the drain, watching the water filter away. He wished he could go with it. Tears starting pooling in his eyes and Junmyeon blinked a little. Faintly, he could hear Minseok’s annoyed voice, obviously trying to avoid a fight, but still getting his annoyance and anger across and he shook his head. As leader he should be out there, making sure his group were getting along and making sure Minseok didn’t accidentally kill anyone – everyone knew Minseok got pissed when he got annoyed, and quickly if someone wasn’t quick to curb him – but he didn’t move. He didn’t unlock his wrists from where they kept his legs to his chest. He didn’t move his legs to stand up, or even sit up properly. He just kept staring at the drain.

* * *

 

  
Junmyeon blinked at a knock on the door, and his head shot up, realising it had gone dark, and he needed the light to see if he wanted to successfully shower. The light on the shower was blinking, indicating there wasn’t much hot water left and Junmyeon scrambled to his feet, almost slipping in the process, as he turned the light on. “Out in a minute!” He grabbed his shampoo, squeezing way too much into his hand before lathering it in his hair. His eyes stung as it slipped down his forehead, and he squeezed them shut, cursing a little. The water went cold, Junmyeon jumped back, and this time, slipped. He fell down with a yell, smashing his shoulder on the side of the tub, cursing, slightly winded.  
  
Immediately, there was a crash and Junmyeon blinked through sore eyes as Chanyeol held a towel out, Minseok there in seconds. “Holy shit, Junmyeon-ah.” Junmyeon grunted as Minseok helped him up. Minseok helped him rinse his hair and eyes, and then turned the shower off, grabbing the towel Chanyeol held out. The rapper disappeared and Minseok helped Junmyeon out the bath. Junmyeon tried to wrap the towel around himself, hissing in pain as his shoulder screamed. Minseok frowned and his small, careful fingers felt over it. “It feels dislocated, what happened?” He looked concerned. “Did… Did Yixi-”  
  
“-No!” Junmyeon stared at Minseok in disgust. “Yixing wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt me-” He fell silent. “I fell over dodging out the cold water.” Slowly, he sunk down to sit on the closed toilet seat, hand gently clasping his shoulder. He could feel the bone where it shouldn’t be, could feel where it had slipped out of the joint, and he felt sick. Minseok was at the door, asking for someone to get the medic from the dorms upstairs, and then he was back, making sure that his shoulder was alright. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”  
  
Junmyeon should his head, staring at the floor. “No… no it’s understandable with everything going on.” He looked up, and found Minseok’s eyes lingering on Yixing’s couple ring, sat on Junmyeon’s traditional ring finger. He looked away. Minseok looked hurt for a moment and Junmyeon frowned. “You alright?”  
  
Minseok nodded, the hurt gone from his face as though he had flipped a switch. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’m just worried.” They fell into silence again, and Minseok got up, cleaning the bathroom up as they waited for the first aider. “Are you and Yixing… back together?”  
  
Junmyeon shrugged, and then hissed. He didn’t say anything. Were they back together? Was their casual fucking through the afternoon a sign that they were supposed to be dating? Was Yixing done with Yifan, or was Yifan just waiting for the moment Yixing went back to China? Junmyeon laughed. “I don’t know.”  
  
Minseok stayed silent, and Junmyeon watched him. He recognised the slight hints of Minseok being upset. The way his hands shook ever so lightly, a tremble, like a leaf in a slight breeze. The way his shoulders slumped, even when reaching onto the higher shelves, like he was lacking energy. The way his movements lagged, like he was stuck in slow motion, moving through some kind of tar. Junmyeon frowned. He considered opening his mouth, asking Minseok if everything was alright, when there was a knock on the door, the first aider poking his head around. Minseok explained quickly, and then left the room. Junmyeon grit his teeth.

* * *

  
Junmyeon wasn’t surprised when he got back to his room, Yixing laying on the bed, chatting in Chinese. _Kris, no- it’s not like that. No I told you- it’s only you_. Junmyeon slammed the door. Was he stupid to even try and think otherwise. He said nothing as Yixing scrambled to end the phone call and sit up. “What happened? You were gone ages.”  
  
“Not that you cared enough to come check on me.” Junmyeon pulled a shirt on, not caring what it was, and turned the light off. He’d had enough. Through the gloom, he could see Yixing frowning, and as he lay down, Yixing cuddled close. They didn’t say anything. Junmyeon didn’t try and hold Yixing’s hand, resting on his stomach, like he always did. There was a gap between their two bodies, and Junmyeon could have laughed. Space between them physically, like there was emotionally. He swallowed.  
  
“So. The truth. How long have you been fucking Kris?”  
  
Silence. Long silence. “I told you-”  
  
“-And I saw the articles. I saw the photos. I’m not a fucking idiot. How long, out of the five years we’ve been together, have you been fucking Yifan?” The name shout out of his mouth like venom and Junmyeon didn’t like how it tasted on his lips. It made him feel ill again, that he’d become such a bitter person, but somewhere in his messed up thoughts, he knew it wasn’t his fault.  
  
“Two years.”  
  
Junmyeon stared at the wall, dimly lit from the moon sliding in through the gaps in the curtains. He didn’t tear up like he expected to, his heart didn’t start aching, and he felt like he was satisfied. “You’re a fucking pig.”  
  
“Yet I’m lying here with you, and came back early so I could be with you, rather than him.”  
  
“What the _fuck_ do you think this _is_? Some fucking pick and mix stand when you can choose which boy you spend the night with? Some roulette wheel with everyone’s faces where the numbers are, throw the ball, whoever it lands on, you fuck?”  
  
“What?! Junnie no, that’s not what it’s like at all-”  
  
“-oh save it. I don’t care how many guys there’s been. All that matters is there’s been _**one**_. When we’re meant to be together, meant to be in love with each other. Meant to be fucking partners, boyfriends, does that mean anything to you?”  
  
Yixing’s arm still didn’t move from around Junmyeon’s waist. “It’s not like that, Junnie… I love you both, I just… I don’t know. I’m confused.”  
  
“Well, let me make it easier for you. You can fuck and date _Yifan_ as much as you want. If you loved me as much as you said, you wouldn’t have fallen in love with him after me. Get in your own bed, in your own room. Get your arm off of me, and get the fuck out of my room. And take the stupid fucking ring with you.” He pulled it off, unaware of where the words had come from, holding it out. Shaking fingers took it, and Yixing didn’t move for a moment, before he stood. He scooped up some clothes, before the door shut and Junmyeon buried his face in his pillow.  
  
Finally, finally the tears came, and Junmyeon’s heart broke, and everything ached and hurt. Immediately, he wanted to call Yixing back, and his hand groped around to find his phone, buried in the sheets. He blinked through tear filled eyes, typing out a _please come back_ message and hitting send, before he wrapped his arms his pillow, sobbing hard. The pillow case soaked quickly, and Junmyeon looked up quickly as his door opened. Minseok poked his head around the door, looking concerned.  
  
“You texted me..?”  
  
Junmyeon hiccuped, glancing at his phone, confused, before Minseok was there on the bed, and his arms were around him, and he was holding him tightly, and guiding Junmyeon how to breathe, and how to lay back down. The sobs came hard again. Minseok said nothing, but sat up long enough to shed his jeans and jacket, pulling his shirt down enough to make himself more decent, before laying down with Junmyeon. Junmyeon’s hands reached out, clinging to the shirt, sobbing into Minseok’s neck. Minseok made a soft shushing sound, just like always, hands rubbing up and down Junmyeon’s back.

* * *

 

It took time, a notification lighting up Junmyeon’s phone to tell him an hour had passed since he finally stopped crying against Minseok, falling into a lull, hand tight in a fist in Minseok’s shirt. Minseok had said nothing; he had just lain there, offering comfort, making sure Junmyeon was alright, that he was _safe_ because last time it had happened, Junmyeon couldn’t count the amount of times he had woken up to Minseok crying softly by his hospital bed side. He shook his head and slowly sat up, wiping his eyes.  
  
“How are you feeling?”  
  
Minseok’s voice was soft, calm, but Junmyeon still jumped at it, looking around at Minseok with wide eyes. “Like I got hit by a truck.”  
  
Minseok smiled sadly in return. “Do you want me to get you a drink?”  
  
Junmyeon slowly shook his head, taking a moment to breathe. “I think I’m alright. I’m just. Exhausted.”  
  
Minseok nodded. “Then lay down and sleep.” Junmyeon hesitated. Something didn’t feel right about laying down with Minseok but the exhaustion in his mind told him to shut up and lay down, so he did. He sunk into his soft mattress and let himself lean against Minseok, let himself be pulled into a gentle cuddle, and the sheets be pulled up over them. He let his face bury in Minseok’s chest, and he let himself inhale the gentle scent of the other. Coffee, mint, and a slight tinge of anti sceptic. He smiled. It was nice, it was _Minseok_.  
  
Junmyeon moved his face a little so he was staring at the wall, his ear resting on Minseok’s chest instead. He could hear his hyung’s heart beat, and let his eyes close. It was peaceful. It was… homey, almost. He swallowed. “Minseok-hyung?”  
  
“Mm?” Minseok’s hand found Junmyeon’s hair, stroking through it gently.  
  
“Why were you upset earlier?”  
  
Silence fell between them, and Junmyeon knew the silence. It was the silence of Minseok thinking, debating if he should say something, and Junmyeon peered up in the gloom at Minseok’s face. It was unreadable, and Junmyeon frowned a little. For a moment, he wished he could read minds, to know what Minseok was really thinking, before the elder sighed. “Just seeing you like this when you deserve better, I guess. It’s- Seeing you like this just hurts a bit. You don’t deserve it, at all.”  
  
Junmyeon made a noise and settled back down, staring at the wall before his eyes began to slip close, and before he knew it, the sound of Minseok’s heart beat, and the gentle movement of fingers in his hair had sent him to sleep, long gone from the world of pain he had been oh so harshly introduced to.


	4. Chapter 4

Waking up in Minseok’s arms became a normal. The calender next to Junmyeon’s bed counted the days, turning into weeks, into months, and Junmyeon came to find himself wondering the last time Minseok had slept in his own room was. Currently, they were trying to get to sleep, Minseok reading something on his phone whilst Junmyeon read a book, his glasses perched on the end of his nose. His eyes flicked from left to right, devouring the words, before a hand came across his vision. Junmyeon jumped as Minseok’s finger pushed his glasses back up, and he looked up from where he was laying on Minseok’s chest, blinking. Minseok was smiling softly, his eyes back on whatever he was reading on his phone and Junmyeon raised his eyebrows. His phone had locked itself, which meant he was trying to pretend. He raised his hand.  
  
Minseok shrieked as Junmyeon’s fingers attacked his throat in a merciless tickling attack and he kicked out, giggling as he stuttered out weak stop! He shrieked as Junmyeon smiled and dropped his book, using his other hand to attack Minseok’s stomach, shirt riding up where he was thrashing and Minseok screamed out. “STOP!” But he was laughing and smiling and Junmyeon could tell he wasn’t kicking out for him to stop. His fingers moved mercillessly, Minseok shrieking again, when the door to his dorm slammed open.  
  
They broke apart. Yixing and Chanyeol stood, worried in the doorway and Minseok straightened his shirt. “What?”  
  
Junmyeon busied himself with checking his alarm clock was set as Yixing stared at him. Chanyeol cleared his throat. “We heard you screaming stop, we- just assumed the worst.”  
  
Minseok shook his head and Junmyeon turned his head. “No, Junmy-ah was just tickling me.” Awkward silence hung in the air before the door shut and Minseok laughed. “Oops.” Junmyeon found his own lips twitching into a smile as he settled back on his bed, stretching out. “Why aren’t you doing high pitched vocals on tracks?” Minseok snorted and settled back down, rolling over to put his phone on charge. Junmyeon laid on his side, watching him. “What were you reading?”  
  
Minseok blushed a dark red, and shook his head. “Nothing you’d find interesting. Just some story I downloaded a little while ago.”  
  
Junmyeon raised an eyebrow. Minseok stretched. Junmyeon dived. Minseok yelled as Junmyeon grabbed his phone and jumped up, standing on his chair as Minseok screeched and jumped up at him, trying to get his phone back. “Come on, Myeonnie, give it back.”  
  
Junmyeon unlocked it quickly and raised an eyebrow. “What’s AFF?”  
  
“NOTHING!” Minseok’s face was darker than usual and he grabbed Junmyeon’s legs, guiding him to fall on the bed. Junmyeon shrieked. Byul started barking at Minseok, nipping at him and Junmyeon glanced at the screen before getting up to grab his small dog, shushing him and smoothing his ears down. Minseok dived for his phone and quickly rolled over as he changed his pass code. “Not cool!”  
  
“So you read fan fiction about us having sex?”  
  
Minseok shrieked and dove under the covers. Byul growled again.  
  
“You could have just said you had feelings for me, Min.” Junmyeon spoke around the fur on Byul’s head, making sure he was calm. “Say sorry to Min, baby boy.” Byul stared at the bed as Junmyeon put him down. Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “Find Minseok! Where’s Minseok?!” The small dog yipped and buried under the covers, for Minseok to start laughing, muffled under the thick blankets, resurfacing with a breath of air before Byul dived on him, all tongue and licks on his face. Minseok grimaced and tackled the small dog against his chest, stroking him softly and smoothly, calming him. Junmyeon slowly sat down.  
  
“You know, you really could have just said.” Junmyeon reached out to take Minseok’s wrist, raising his eyebrow. Minseok looked away, blushing.  
  
“You still seem pretty confused by stuff I didn’t… want to complicate anything for you.”  
  
Junmyeon shook his head with a smile and laid down, patting the bed. Byul jumped from Minseok’s arm and jumped down, curling back up to sleep in his bed with a soft puff. Minseok laid back down and Jumyeon moved closer. Minseok stared at him, and they stayed silent before Minseok leaned up on his arm, leaning in to gently press their lips together. Junmyeon’s hand shifted, curling around the nape of Minseok’s neck, and they stayed there, quiet, pressing against each other.  
  
They broke apart, breathing in each other’s air as they panted softly, and Junmyeon opened his eyes. “That’s why you were so upset about things.”  
  
Minseok made a noise and kissed Junmyeon again, in a move that Junmyeon decided was a _shut up_ and he gladly let himself be guided to lay down, Minseok leaning over him as they just kept kissing. He could feel it now, the pent up feelings Minseok had kept silent, pressing against his lips, arms wrapping around him, in the desperate tug of his shirt being pulled up. Junmyeon stopped him, a simple hand on his chest.  
  
Minseok leaned up, lips starting to go puffy, blinking. “Sorry did I-” Junmyeon hushed him with a quick kiss before he got up, gently scooping Byul up. He left the room, knocking carefully on Chanyeol’s door and poking his head around.  
  
If Baekhyun thought disappearing under the covers with a squeak was subtle, Junmyeon worried about him. “Are you two busy in the _busy_ sense, or can you watch Byul for the night?”  
  
Chanyeol wolf whistled, causing Vivi to start barking a few doors down, and for Toben and Byul to perk up. “I can take him, no problem.” The blanket moved and Chanyeol made a soft _oof_ as Junmyeon settled Byul in the dog bed with Toben. They sniffed at each other before settling down, Toben seeming to curl around Byul in a protective way. Junmyeon gave Toben an affectionate rub behind the ear before he got up, returning to his room.  
  
Minseok had an arm over his eyes, and Junmyeon wondered if he was asleep a moment, before he saw the discreet movement under the blanket and had to hold back a laugh. Silently, he closed the door and snuck back over to the bed before leaning down and kissing Minseok.  
  
Minseok squeaked against his lips, arm flying away from his eyes – and smacking Junmyeon in the side of the face. Junmyeon fell backwards, laughing and Minseok sat up, eyes wide for a moment before he started laughing, reaching his hand out. “Oh my god… Are you alright, Myeonnie?”  
  
Junmyeon just laughed and tackled Minseok back down, their hands finally tugging clothes free.

* * *

  
Junmyeon stood in the kitchen, humming whilst he washed the sides in the kitchen down. Minseok was away in Japan for a night, going to see TVXQ! live whilst they had the time off to, and Junmyeon thought it’d be a nice change for Minseok to come back to a clean dorm. He worked too hard keeping it clean, and everyone was keeping out of his way. Baekhyun had already suffered a washing up brush being thrown over his head with a _DON’T EAT ON THE COUCH_ being hissed at him.  
  
Everyone that seemed, other than Yixing.  
  
Junmyeon didn’t look at him once, but he could see Yixing out the corner of his eye, making lunch, washing up as he went along, wiping up any mess he made before he settled down to eat. “I’ll clear up the rest of my mess when I’ve finished eating.” Junmyeon made a noise of acknowledgement before he dried up the pots Yixing had used, putting them away. Content with how the kitchen now was, Junmyeon went to leave to clean the hallway, when Yixing grabbed his wrist.  
  
Junmyeon froze up a moment before turning his head. “What?”  
  
“You can’t ignore me forever, and I want to talk to you.” Junmyeon turned his head to make a noise for someone to come running. “Alone.”  
  
Junmyeon sighed and tugged his hand free, sitting down in a chair, a few chairs away from Yixing. He pulled his gloves off with a sharp snap and crossed his arms. “What?”  
  
“I wanted to say that I’m sorry. And that… I still love you. I broke up with Kris.” Junmyeon stared dully at Yixing. He didn’t need this. Not right now. “I’m choosing you, not Kris.”  
  
Junmyeon stayed where he was sat, staring at the table. “I need to think.”  
  
“Of course.” Yixing stood and walked over to Junmyeon, hands wrapping around Junmyeon’s waist. Something in Junmyeon’s head told him to fight it. That he had Minseok, even if they hadn’t decided what they were doing just yet, but he found his hands wrapping around Yixing’s neck, staring up at him expectantly. Yixing dipped, Junmyeon leaned up, their lips pressing together again.  
  
Junmyeon melted. Everything came shooting back, slamming into him like a brick wall. The love and feelings he’d had, and from the feeling of things, still had. The way Yixing was choosing him, that he had broken up with the man he seemingly loved to come back to Junmyeon. That he was still wearing the couple ring Junmyeon had gotten him, and he was _here_ , _kissing_ Junmyeon.  
  
Junmyeon let himself be lost in it, ears deaf to the sound of the front door closing.  
  
“Holy crap it’s actually clean in here- oh.”  
  
Yixing pulled back, blushing as he turned to see Minseok, hovering in the kitchen doorway. Junmyeon jumped up, breathing harshly. He saw the discreet slump in Minseok’s shoulders, the way his eyes just looked over everything, instead of looking at either of them – until Minseok met Junmyeon’s eyes.  
  
Betrayal, pain, giving up.  
  
Junmyeon’s heart lurched and he went to run after Minseok as he left the kitchen door, only for Yixing to grab his wrist again. “Why don’t we go back to my dorm? Pick up where we left off?”

* * *

  
  
Junmyeon lay in Yixing’s bed, the duvet strange and foreign on his skin as he listened to the sound of Minseok’s music next door. It had gotten louder as the sound of Yixing’s head board hitting the wall had become repetative, as Junmyeon’s noises coaxed from his throat had gotten louder, unavoidable no matter what he tried to do. Jongdae was yelling a little over the music, words of comfort, but apparently Minseok wasn’t listening.  
  
The music stopped, the dorm door slammed, the main door to their floor slammed, and Jongdae could be heard whispering _or do that instead_.  
  
Junmyeon buried his head under the pillow as Yixing slept, tears burning in his eyes. He hadn’t wanted to do this, but _**fuck**_ , Yixing could coax him into doing anything, just a soft tone to his voice, a slight pout, and he would be at his beck and call. His tears were hot, and Junmyeon wondered if it was possible to melt his own eyeballs with his tears. He wondered if he stayed under here for long enough, he might suffocate, or die from dehydration. And then a hand was on his hair, bright light on his eyes.  
  
Junmyeon jolted back from the light and looked up to Yixing, smiling, leaning over him. “Hey.”  
  
“Hey...” Junmyeon kissed back at the gentle press of Yixing’s lips, and guilt curled around his stomach. This shouldn’t be happening. He knew that. If he wanted to be here, kissing Yixing right now, his stomach wouldn’t feel like a bunch of snakes were curling around it, biting at him, filling his blood with poison. He was poison. He hurt Minseok. Sweet, calm Minseok who had waited months that Junmyeon knew about. Loving Minseok who had held him through every nightmare, and had stayed with him as much as possible when he fell to a bout of pneumonia. Minseok who pretended he didn’t know Junmyeon was awake and pressed a kiss to his forehead with a soft _good night, Myeonnie_.  
  
Junmyeon shoved Yixing off him, eyes wide. “No. No hey. No more of this. **No**. I’m done. I moved on. Don’t keep doing this to me. Let me go. Your phone’s been going off constantly. That’ll be Yifan telling you he’s home from tour, no doubt. Go call your fuck boy. I’m _**done**_.”  
  
Junmyeon got dressed, he let Yixing’s voice drown out into fuzziness and he stormed out, slamming the door. Blinking, he headed straight to Minseok’s dorm and collapsed on his bed. Soon enough, Minseok would come back, and he ignored Jongdae staring at him. Tan was a welcome press against his stomach, meowing at him, happy for some attention. Junmyeon stroked her fur, smiling softly.  
  
Yeah, Minseok would come home soon, and Junmyeon could grab him, tumble back to bed, curl up, and choose him.


	5. Chapter 5

Junmyeon stared at the doors in front of him, knowing the safety of the car outside was just down the steps and in front of them. It was the screaming that scared him, that made him not want to step outside, or to head out one of the side doors of the hospital. He carefully shifted the bundle in his arms and looked down, before up at Minseok. Minseok smiled weakly. “Ready?”  
  
Junmyeon shook his head. He didn’t want to do this, the back route was better; the media was all over it, they knew they were leaving today, people are gonna be all over, was Minseok’s reply. Junmyeon sighed and stepped forward, Minseok walking beside him to push open the door, ducking his head. The screams got louder. The bundle in his arms starting screaming alongside them, terrified by the sudden noise.  
  
Junmyeon pressed a kiss to his daughter’s forehead as they rushed down the steps, Seunghwun, as usual, holding the car door open for them. Junmyeon slowed only as he bent down to get in, not being able to use his arms, refusing to let go of Ayeon with both his hands as he sat in. Minseok immediately leaned over, shushing her gently.  
  
Her little eyes were open, shining a light brown, like leaves in the autumn, filtering from the trees. Junmyeon felt himself choking up again. Her tiny lips were pouted, like Minseok’s, but a paler pink in colour, like his own. Her fingers, tiny, pudgy, she’d already taken up her father’s old nickname of Baozi, as EXO had come to visit her, cooing over her in Minseok’s arms, whilst he angrily hushed them because both his sister and daughter were asleep.  
  
The IVF had been hell on both of them. Minseok’s sister was with them three years ago, visiting for a short while when Minseok had said they were thinking about adopting a baby, and she had jumped up. IVF, she had yelled, she could carry the baby so in a way it was still Minseok’s, the baby would still carry Minseok’s family traits, Junmyeon could father. They’d looked at each other, hope in both of their eyes that the other would say yes, and they had jumped at the chance. It had taken so much time and money, the first time, only for there to be a car accident, causing Minseok’s sister to miscarry. They hadn’t done anything after that. Minseok took time off, went back home to look after his sister more. It had been her that had insisted they carry on, she was fine to. That had been two years ago. Ten months ago, they had gotten the call _I’m pregnant, and the doctor is sure it’s going to stick!_  
  
Months of crying in hope, anxiety, and clinging to each other, too scared to bring up _what if it happens again_ , and then, somewhere, some deity had decided to give them a break. They went to the first ultrasound, Minseok between them both, holding both their hands, and had seen their tiny bundle of cells, that would grow into their baby, and Junmyeon had cried. He hadn’t been aware of it until Minseok wiped his tears and kissed him softy, smiling wide, his own eyes watering. Three months later, their tiny baby was there, in Minseok’s sister’s stomach and Junmyeon cried again as she waved, clinging to Minseok’s hand so hard, he yelped out.  
  
Now? Now she was here. Born three days ago, resting in the hospital, Junmyeon and Minseok fussing over her. Now, she was being put in her car seat, Junmyeon holding her tiny, tiny hand as Minseok carefully strapped her in. Junmyeon was too busy holding her to be dragged away to learn how to do it, and he watched carefully before he leaned down to kiss her forehead. She gurgled and reached up, taking his glasses and he laughed softly, letting her have them. Until she poked him in the eye.  
  
Junmyeon bolted backwards, Minseok laughing as he cooed over her. “Ayeon, come on, be nice to your papa.” He carefully took them away from her, handing him back as they started driving. Junmyeon rubbed his eyes before he put them back on, blinking a little before turning to watch her again. Her bright brown eyes looked around the back of the car, gurgling softly as she sucked her fingers, her other hand waving and shaking around randomly.  
  
Junmyeon gently caught her hand, stopping her from accidentally hitting it on something and stroked the back of her hand. He still couldn’t quite believe that she was finally here, that he and Minseok’s daughter had finally joined their world, had finally come to be with them. He was still in shock over her, how beautiful she was, how she seemed to be connected to them.  
  
The car went over a bump, causing them all to jolt a moment, and Ayeon immediately started crying, upset at the sudden movement. Minseok laughed softly as he leaned over her, tickling her stomach. “Shh shh… just a bump… shhh...”  
  
Junmyeon faded out. Just a bump.  
  
Yixing had just been a bump. Junmyeon still remembered seven years ago like it was yesterday, walking in on Yixing with Yifan, finding out Yixing had been lying to him when the articles had come out, ending up in hospital after just running from it. He still remembered finding out Minseok liked him through his reading fan fiction, he still remembered Minseok coming home after seeing Yixing and himself seemingly making up again.

* * *

  
  
Junmyeon was right, Minseok did come home eventually. He looked tired, exhausted, and like he had been crying, but he had turned the light on and froze. Junmyeon raised his head, rubbing his dry eye from being almost asleep, and slowly sat up. Tan meowed from his stomach, refusing to move and letting herself be gently eased into Junmyeon’s lap. Minseok had just stood there, blinking, before Junmyeon cleared his throat and whispered a soft “hey”.  
  
Minseok seemed to snap back into action, and tossed his jacket on the door of his wardrobe, unusually open, but Junmyeon didn’t question it. “Expected you to be in Yixing’s room.” It wasn’t said horribly. It wasn’t meant mean. It wasn’t said with sadness. Just. Said.  
  
“Uh… about that. About us.”  
  
Minseok turned away as he got ready for bed, and Junmyeon suspected it was so he didn’t see Minseok’s face.  
  
“Yixing just. Kissed me out of the blue. He told me about how he’s broken up with Yifan – fat bunch of lies there – and how he loves me and he’s choosing me, and all that. Bullshit. And I. I didn’t fall for it really. I knew it was all a bunch of lies. But when he kissed me I just… got lost in it, I guess. Everything came back, all the good stuff, but. It’s not the same any more. I knew it never would be, not after everything. I just… I got caught up in it. You know how I used to be with him, it all just caught me by surprise but I just.” Junmyeon sighed. “I’m going around in circles because I’m here because I don’t want Yixing. I’m here, in your bed, because I want you. I want what we had. The smiles, the joking around, the soft kisses. I want you, not him. I’m sorry I… shouldn’t have let myself be caught up in things.”  
  
Minseok didn’t turn around, even after he was done being dressed. Junmyeon couldn’t see him on account of the wardrobe door being open, the mirror not in a position he could see, but then Minseok sniffed, his shoulders shaking, and Junmyeon rushed to his side. “Christ, Minnie, I’m sorry do you want me to-”  
  
And then Minseok had looked up, smiling and wiping tears. “No, I don’t want you to go you damn doof.” And then Minseok was there, arms wrapped around him, kissing him, both of them tumbling to the bed, causing Tan to yowl as she rushed to not be crushed by them.

* * *

 

Seven years ago. Junmyeon looked down at the rings on his hand. Couple ring, engagement ring, _wedding_ ring. They had stayed quiet, came out to the fans after Minseok had proposed, four years into their relationship. The outcome had been relatively positive. Then enlistment had happened, and Junmyeon was anxious. He’d broken it off, terrified that Minseok would cheat on him whilst he was away, but when he got back, Minseok was still waiting. Now, technically, this was the eleventh year of their relationship. After breaking it off, Minseok had waited until he was done with his own enlistment, and didn’t even bother to ask Junmyeon anything.  
  
He’d gotten home, to their shared apartment, got the engagement ring from his bedside table – Junmyeon insisted on wearing the couple ring, even if they weren’t together, Minseok gave him strength – and slid it back onto Junmyeon’s finger. There was no question about it. Five years later, EXO ended, suddenly, but it was welcome. Sad it was now in the past, other groups now in the limelight, they got to relax into a sort of quiet life. The boys still came over to visit their ‘parents’, and they made the effort to visit them all as well. Lu Han came to visit now he was able to, no contract in the way, and Minseok had almost died of a cuteness overload, meeting Lu Han’s two children with his wife.  
  
It wasn’t long after Zitao had visited with his niece, fairly soon after Lu Han and his family had, that Minseok had started becoming secretive around Junmyeon. Junmyeon had been suspicious and, one day, realising he was on Minseok’s laptop, not his own, decided to check his internet search history, just to try and calm himself.  
  
It had all been adopting kids in Korea, gay couples adopting Korean children, and Junmyeon had burst into tears on the spot. Minseok had come running, frowning, only to realise and wrap his arms around Junmyeon. Junmyeon had sobbed out a _yes, fuck yes, let’s have kids Minnie_ , and now, they had their perfect little girl.  
  
Junmyeon watched as Minseok got out the car, not even realising they had gotten back to their apartment building, and fretted as Ayeon made a noise as Minseok unclipped her. Maybe he was fussing too much, he wondered as Minseok swatted him away, before remembering he was a new parent, he was likely to be more worried than others. He followed them out the car, pulling his keys free to let Minseok into their building, hovering over them both. Minseok rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath and Junmyeon pouted before getting the lift.  
  
Finally, Junmyeon cleared his throat. “Is it bad I already want another one?”  
  
Minseok laughed. “Oh, wait until she starts crying at three in the morning.”  
  
Junmyeon blinked. “You know you’re the one who wakes up and has the easiest time being awake and being a morning person-”  
  
Minseok stomped on Junmyeon’s foot and he went to yell, before biting on his fist, making sure not to disturb Ayeon. “Abuse!”  
  
“You’re doing half the night feeds, don’t you even _dare_.” The glare from Minseok made any thoughts of even joking about it disappear from Junmyeon’s mind.  
  
The elevator door open and Junmyeon rushed ahead to open their apartment door. Junmyeon had come home the day before and made sure everything was set up perfectly and Minseok looked around with a smile. He paused to lean up and peck Junmyeon’s lips, before he disappeared to the spare room that was converted into her nursery.  
  
Junmyeon made sure everything was in order before following. He leaned in the doorway, watching Minseok and his daughter. She gurgled in her arms, and Minseok gently rocked her in the rocking chair, singing quietly. Junmyeon recognised it as a song his parents had sung to him, had taught him properly when they found out they would finally be getting their baby girl. Junmyeon smiled and stepped forward, stopping the rocking chair from moving. Minseok looked up and leaned forward as he picked up a blanket, wrapping it gently around him. Junmyeon leaned down and pressed a kiss to Minseok’s cheek. “Dinner in an hour, alright, love?”  
  
Minseok nodded and smiled. “Alright.” And then he was back to singing. Junmyeon stepped back to the doorway and watched his family, smiling softly, before he got his phone out to take a photo. He took a few, deciding to make a family post later on when they were more settled, but still, didn’t move. He should start preparing dinner, making sure everything was sorted, but for now?  
  
Junmyeon was content watching his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I finished this so quickly ;;
> 
> There will be more for this! There's a series for it, simply named Goodbye Christmas, and there's gonna be Yixing x Yifan, more Junmyeon x Minseok, and the main story line from Minseok's point of view, and a sequel to this, in the future ^^


End file.
